


Therapy & Returning Home

by Aaronlisa



Category: Being Erica
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 18:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronlisa/pseuds/Aaronlisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place after 2x12 "The Importance of Being Erica." Kai returns back home and struggles with it and what his therapy is supposed to mean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Therapy & Returning Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cinco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinco/gifts).



One moment he was in Goblins on the tiny stage singing a completed "Alien Like You" and the next it was nothing more than a memory. Despite the time he had spent in 2009, Kai soon discovered that only five minutes had passed in 2019 and nothing had changed in his life. Travis was still dead and he was still a fucked up rock star doing a stint at an elite rehab clinic in Victoria. He was as far away from Toronto and his over-indulgent drug-fueled life as he could be but all he had to do was say the word and he could have all of the pure O that he wanted along with a bevy of girls that would do everything and anything that he could possibly want them to do. And Kai realized that he didn't really want to follow that same old self-destructive path that he had been down for so long now and he finally understood what Erica, Dr Fred and even Dr Tom had been trying to tell him that therapy wasn't about changing things in his past.

Two hours after his "return" in 2019, Kai checked out of the rehab clinic that was more spa-like than it was clinical and he was on a flight back to Toronto. He had every intention of looking up Erica and seeing if she was just as beautiful at forty-two as she had been at thirty-two. And maybe if he was lucky, she wouldn't be with Ethan. Yet during the five hour trip from Vancouver back to Toronto, Kai started to get cold feet when he realized that he wanted some fairy tale where Erica would either be the same Erica that he had just left behind in 2009 or she would have put her life on hold for him waiting for ten years for him to be aware of her. And he realized that it was completely impossible after all the Erica that he had just left behind been ten years ago and not a few hours ago. So once he landed, he made his way home and tried to pick up the pieces of his life while he waited for Dr Fred to show him another regret for him to learn from.

* * *

Erica's heart broke as Kai looked at her as if he had never seen her before and in a way he hadn't ever seen her before. This Kai was ten years away from her Kai, the Kai that she had bonded with and started to fall in love with. As she melted into the crowd, she watched as he celebrated with his band mates and Erica couldn't feel overly sad for the fact that her Kai had gone back to where he belonged. Erica knew that he was one step closer to healing and being whole again, and not broken, confused or angry.

* * *

Three months seem to pass him by in a blink of an eye and Kai still hadn't worked up the courage to look up Erica. He had thought about Googling her to see if she had become successful in the ten years since he had known her but every time he sat in front of his laptop with Google open, he had chickened out. He wasn't ready for her, not yet. However he was ready for his next session with Dr. Fred.

So when he walked into the outside office where summer always seems to reign despite the fact that it's a miserable and cold day outside in Toronto, Kai isn't nervous instead he's confident despite the fact that everything about therapy seems to give Dr Fred the advantage. Even the chair that Kai takes that always reminds him of when he was called to the principal's office doesn't bother him this time. Instead Kai is ready to take control of his therapy and the direction that it's taking. Before Dr Fred can start up about the next regret, Kai changes everything.

"I want to see Dr Tom," Kai pointedly states.   
"If this is about Erica," Dr Fred begins before Kai angrily cuts him off.   
"Not everything that I do is motivated by Erica Strange."

Kai stands up and turns away from Dr Fred and he thinks about opening the door and leaving therapy for good. But he needs to see Dr Tom. He knows that Erica's therapist will be able to give him the closure that he desperately craves.

"It's not about Erica, it's about thanking him for what he did for me. I know that he only did it for her but it helped to put things into perspective."   
"Next you'll want to see Erica to do the same," Dr Fred argues.   
"You've told me often enough that it is impossible to do so in the confines of this office. And if I wanted to see Erica, don't you think I could contact her myself?"

Kai drops into his chair and Dr Fred nods at him.

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

She doesn't have much time to waste on either Kai or Ethan not with the publishing company with Julianne taking off. Brent does his best to sabotage things when he finds out the manuscript that they're using to launch the company but even Frank Galvin dismisses Brent's flimsy claims when it comes out that Brent had rejected the manuscript. Starting up their own company is hard work and for two years she barely has time for therapy much less anything else. Yet Dr Tom is always there for her, giving her a break when she needs one, giving her insight when she needs it for a myriad of crises that seem to threaten everything and then finally every thing is in place and her dreams seem to be coming true.

* * *

The fact that he wants to see Dr Tom isn't brought up again and Kai thinks that his chances of talking to Dr Tom are over. His sessions continue and he learns what therapy is about and just like Erica told him that it's not about traveling to his past and actually changing things. And like Dr Tom had told him it wasn't about running away either.

When he walks into a door and into a completely different office than Dr Fred, Kai is surprised to see Dr Tom. He had seriously thought that the other man wanted nothing to do with him.

"Kai," Dr Tom says and gestures towards a chair.

The office is ten times more comfortable and welcoming than Dr Fred's. He can immediately see why Erica took to therapy. There's nothing clinical about this room, instead he wants to stand up and investigate everything. Instead he takes a seat and waits for Dr Tom, now that he's here, he's nervous.

"You wanted to see me?"   
"Yeah and before you do all that philosophical bull shit on me, save it for Erica or your other patients," Kai states.   
"Fred said that you wanted to thank me, but I think that we both know that's not the real reason for your request, is it?"   
"No it's not."   
"If this is about Erica…" Dr Tom begins only for Kai to cut him off.   
"Why does everyone think that this is about Erica?"   
"Perhaps you should ask yourself that Kai, before you demand that others answer it for you."

Kai sighs in frustration; this is not going how he had envisioned it to go.

"If you're not here about Erica and you're not here to thank me, why are you here Kai?" "I want to know more about therapy," Kai answers.   
"And you can't ask Fred about this?"   
"I don't trust him to give me a straight answer," Kai honestly replies.   
"I can't answer your questions," Dr Tom states.  
"You can't or you won't."   
"Therapy is different for everyone, both in this method and in the traditional method. What you take from therapy is different for you than what someone else would take from it."

Kai stands up and walks to the door, he's tired of this metaphysical crap, he just wanted a straight answer that no one seems to want to give him.

"Thanks for what you did," Kai states, his hand on the doorknob.   
"_You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well you might find you get what you need_."   
"You're quoting the Rolling Stones to me?" Kai asks as he turns around.   
"I thought that it was appropriate. You know the reason why you haven't contacted Erica yet since you've come back is I think that you know that deep down inside; she's not the same woman you left behind. You can't just waltz back into her life and expect it to be 2009 again. Neither of you are the same people you are when you met."   
"You think I don't know that?"

Dr Tom takes a long look at him before he stands up.

"I don't think that you do. This is more than just people grow and change, this is more akin to you met her and for a very brief moment in her life you were an important part of it."   
"So you're saying she never felt anything for me?"   
"Not at all, I think that you and Erica both felt something for each other that was very real but do you honestly think that it could have worked. You never told her the truth about who you were not from the very start. It was Fred who showed her where you were from. You weren't some twenty year old slinging coffee while waiting for your big break, you had already lived that life and you were running away from it."   
"So it's my fault that Erica and I can never be together?"   
"You're missing the point Kai," Dr Tom patiently states.   
"Yeah I seem to be great at that."

Kai drops back into the chair that he had vacated. His head is hurting and he's not sure where he's supposed to go from here.

"Why did you never tell her the truth?"   
"Like she would have wanted anything to do with me if she had found out."   
"You made the assumption that she wouldn't, you never gave her the chance to make the decision for herself."   
"Everyone's been deceptive in a relationship, it doesn't automatically mean that it's doomed to fail."   
"No it doesn't but the fact that you were divided by time more than anything else is what makes what you had with Erica brief and it's why you've not tried to look her up. If you truly wanted to be with her, you would have. Just like back in 2009, if you had truly wanted to be with her, you would have made it happen."   
"She was with Ethan, I wasn't going to wreck her relationship."   
"Is that really the truth?"

Dr Tom sits down at his desk and steeples his fingers under his chin.

"I don't know," Kai finally responds.   
"I think that you knew even then that what you had was doomed to fail and that's why you never went after her and that's why you're not now. Be happy with what you have, Kai. Stop trying to live in the past."

* * *

When Tom goes home to his house in the suburbs, it is with a heavy heart. He sometimes wonder if the type of therapy that he provides with the other doctors is really for everyone. Even now he can see Kai fighting against it, he thinks that he's ready to call the shots and Tom can tell that he's not. He enters the house and the smell from the kitchen automatically draws him in. His wife is at the stove cooking and he wraps his arms around her.

"This is nice," Erica sighs as she leans into him.   
"I saw Kai today," Tom tells her.

She turns around and faces him and he waits for the moment that he's been dreading. When it doesn't come, he's surprised. Even he wasn't sure of what she felt for him.

"And what did Kai want?"   
"I think he needed to hear that he needs to stop living in the past."   
"And do you think he'll listen?"   
"For his sake, I hope so."   
"Do you ever with that things were different?" Tom asks, feeling somewhat insecure.   
"Never," Erica replies before she moves in and wraps her arms around him.

**END**


End file.
